I am at a point where I feel nothing. Empty. God seems a mile away, and it’s my fault. How I would love to share with you that I am so strong but that would be self righteous of me. I don’t know the last time I read the Bible on my own, apart from Sundays, and weekly services.
3 years in faith, I don’t know, Am I still a babe, still drinking milk? I know I want the hard foods, but am I ready? I cannot tell you my victories without telling you my failures. I cannot tell you my success without the number of times that I failed.
As I write this, know that I would never tell anyone, sometimes it’s hard to tell, not because of pride but because people look upto you sometimes. I want you to know that if you are a Christian who faces no hardship, who’s life is a straight path,so comfy; Question your salvation.Jiite mkutano( call yourself, at a meeting, literally). As I write this I bind any power of darkness from using it and running with it.
I acknowledge that maybe I have been going about it the wrong way; preaching sin consciousness instead of Jesus Christ, that perhaps I need to rectify so many things in my life, leave everything and follow Christ. It may seem that sometimes I am like standing across the road and telling you/preaching to you/rectifying you or whatever, as if to exclude myself.
No. I am one of you. I acknowledge that I am a sinner for I was born a sinner. I acknowledge that I need Jesus Christ. That Jesus Christ is my righteousness and I am His sin. That I am saved and Salvation is a one time thing, but sometimes I know after you slip you start questioning if you are saved but Jesus knew what He was getting into when He died on the cross. However, we should not take Him back to the cross by continually living in sin even after salvation; the problem lies here, living a righteous life.
Now I know why Paul advised against choosing church leaders from babes; because they are still growing, still learning, still eating soft foods, still crawling. But babies crawl, stand, become toddlers. They fall, wake up, and continue learning how to walk. They don’t linger and unless you look at them they won’t cry, they want to walk, they want freedom. As I write this, not that I have fell, but we all experience challenges in life, spiritually, physically, financially, or materially and sometimes its better to capture the feeling in the moment.